Street Boners

Today's post is brought to you by number one super happy fun time guest reviewer SenatorJesus.

Being a hipster is a little bit like being in a cult, except you know, minus the whole ‘sketchy-looking punch’ thing. You see them on the street corner, clad in tight pants and thrift store clothing, not handing out pamphlets on the newly incoming comet but still making you feel like you’re missing out on something awesome, fun, and potentially life-threatening.

So you deliver yourself, hopelessly lost and soaked with rain, to your nearest Salvation Army, and become reborn in a glorious re-awakening of trucker hats and high-tops.

Then Gavin McInnes takes your picture, rates you a 5, implies that you acquired these clothes by sleeping in a laundromat dryer, and leaves you crushed, heartbroken, and wondering why you even tried.

Not that I’d know anything about that, anyway.

Street Boners: 1,764 Hipster Fashion Jokes is the end result of Vice Magazine creator Gavin McInne’s trawling through cities around the globe, armed with nothing but his wit, a cute blond girl with a camera, and an innate knowledge of fashion that takes European designers decades to master, and all without the funny accents.

He’s taken pictures of the best (and worst) dressed people in New York, London, Montreal, and LA, assigned them a rating from 0 to 10 kittens (Mrs. Claus gets a 30, but she’s smoking hot so, who cares?), and added a funny caption that ranges from cruel to overdramatic to tear-bringingly funny.

Accompanying the pretty pretty pictures are interviews with photobloggers, residents of the aforementioned cities, and the history and do’s and don’ts of cool.

“This is the part right before the fight when you realize you’re going to lose and your kneecaps start doing that involuntary jiggle thing that sketches you out and makes you lose worse.”, he says of a very large and muscular black man with a very angry look on his face.

Gavin McInnes has the wit that can make or break you and the balls to say it out loud. His method of review is very clever, because while you may be a 5, that’s five kittens.

Imagine those five kittens in a basket, or in a shoe an-awwwwwwww so cuuuuuuuuttttttteee. Ahem. Sorry about that. A doctor could tell me I’d have brain cancer as long as he held up a kitten like a puppet and said it in an adorable cartoon voice.

Street Boners is one of those books that opens up a view to a culture none of us really know and understand, tells us how it’s better than any of us can hope to be, and destroys our dreams of ever being that cool. And you’re too busy laughing at it to kick his ass.